Vewy Phirosophical

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE
IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH, READ ON:

1. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA…… FLOOR.

2. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

3. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES,  WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

4. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, “WHERE’S THE SELF-
HELP SECTION?” SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

5. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

6. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

7. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

8. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

9. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MUTE, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO
REMAIN SILENT?

10. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

11. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE RED
TRIANGULAR ROAD SIGNS?

12. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

13. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

14. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

15. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

16. IF ONE SYNCHRONISED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

17. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

18. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

19. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE ‘S’ IN IT?

20. WHY ARE HAEMORRHOIDS CALLED “HAEMORRHOIDS” INSTEAD OF “ASSTEROIDS”?

21. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRY DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

22. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL MAN IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DOES HE
BECOME DISORIENTED?

23. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

24. WHY DO SHOPS HAVE SIGNS, ‘GUIDE DOGS ONLY’, THE DOGS CAN’T READ
AND THEIR OWNERS ARE BLIND?

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