Father’s Day

I read a lot of posts around and many say congratulations to those dads who stuck around.

I stuck around, although I could no longer live with their mother.

I spent a month every year with my boys after I moved to Texas, and every other Christmas they spent with me. Yeah, it cost a fortune with 100 grand of child support, and flying the boys back and forth from Denver to RGV Texas for 11 years.

I used to call them every Sunday to keep up with whatever they were doing, until they began working, then it was hit and miss, so I stopped calling.

When they visited Dad, they got to go to the beach, learned to shoot at the indoor range, swim in the family pool, BBQ party every weekend when they were down, both boys birthdays together with their Uncle and Aunt around as well.

Full blown internet and Play station, and Xbox later were available.

Now? it’s just past noon, and I just got a text from my oldest.

I am certain he is gearing up to head over to his mother’s and give dear ol’ “stepdad” his card and/or gift. His mother would have it no other way.

I am fairly certain that their mother kicked out my youngest from her (my) house when he graduated high school, and that’s why he joined the Air Force.

With her $800 plus a month child support gone, she returned to being bitter even though she remarried.

I’ll never know what was said about me over the years to my boys; I never asked; they never volunteered.

My stepdaughter treats me with more respect than my own boys.

I have invited them both to the ranch at their discretion when they have vacation or leave, but their mother trumps anything I offer.

My oldest just turned 26 yesterday, and I sent him $250 cash, and a very nice Swiss Army Huntsman pocketknife. I tracked the package, and he did not acknowledge it until I texted him happy birthday yesterday.

The same package will go to the youngest as well, now stationed in Arizona.

I received texts from both boys on my BD on the 12th..a text.

I called them, and then found out that my oldest had quit his job, and gotten a new one…months ago.

I talked to my youngest to find out that he is getting deployed to Camp Lemonnier in East Africa in September. He never was much at a phone conversation in the past, and I was cut off after a few minutes because he was going in to “get a haircut”.

Man, I guess I am officially out of the loop.

The hold on them that their mother has is unbelievable. She is a master on laying on guilt, and I am glad they turned out as well as they did, given her obvious sustained bitterness.

Father’s Day and Mother’s day were not treated with as much exuberance as a birthday as I was growing up, but we still got together with gifts and cards while Mom was alive. After she was gone, I never celebrated Mother’s day again, much to Dad’s new wife’s chagrin…that’s another story.

Now, more than ever, it seems that every single day is like the one before; aside from a once every 30 year freeze, and an occasional scorpion, one day is pretty much like the next.

12 thoughts on “Father’s Day

    • My boys are good people; no drugs, no excessive alcohol, and no anger issues, and both have good work ethics…I had hoped my input made them what they are..who knows what the ex factor goes on about.

  1. That sucks Ex, but a lot of the same treatment is thrown on Dads because we were the ‘Discipline’ vs Mom’s ‘Unconditional Love’. I make myself available but my young adult kids don’t particularly spend much one-on-one time with me either. I guess I ask too many questions.

    • I had not considered that possibility.
      My wife thinks they just hate her, thus avoid me as well.
      Yep, I ask questions too. How else can we find out what our children are up to?

  2. That is a tough one. Youthful indoctrination is a hard one to overcome. You did what you could. I wish we could be happy with that, but we always want for more. It’s the hallmark of a quality man.

  3. I’ll share a recent story about a guy I’ll call Matt. He used to be a neighbor and I’d walk by his house often on the way to the greenspace behind his house. We talked from time to time and I learned a little bit about him and his business-he is a real easy going guy, you can tell that from the git-go. One fall I sensed there were problems at home and the following spring the house went up for sale. About a year later I tracked him down to inquire about Csap rental programs for my wife; she’s the kind that if there is some money in the pot she doesn’t feel obligated to be a smart shopper-just spend, spend until there’s nothing left. Anyway, he gave me 45 minutes of his time and really did a super job of informing how Medicare covers medical equipment programs and all the gotchas to stay away from.

    That was a few years back. I ran into a guy a couple weeks walking a really interesting breed of dog, and we started chatting. After a bit I said something like “I know you from somewhere”. He replied by pointing over to his former house with “I used to live there before she divorced me”. The conversation kept flowing as opposed to pained silence. I mentioned that I had noticed how when ever I saw her she seemed very unhappy-even bitter (that observational skill comes from years and years of first hand experience). He mentioned how 98% of her was a wonderful woman, it was just that 2% that was a killer. Never heard that before, let alone from a former husband who was on the hook for child support. Speaking of which, he said that he actually pays more than is required because he wants his daughters (teens now) not to suffer any more than they already have. Like I said, he seems like a nice guy who probably is a caring father-though I cannot vouch for his husband skills.

    So here’s the punch line (and it involves Mrs. Two Percent). Matt now has a girl friend and introduced his daughters to her; everything went well. Until Mrs. TP got wind of it. Now she forbids him to “take” his daughters for the court mandated Daddy Quality Time. No sireeee. Momma’s got her “mommy rights” and by God she is gonna rule, come hell or high water.

    The Zoom video session with the Judge was to have been a week later; I hope to run into Matt soon to find out how it went. One thing for sure: lawyers will collect their fees, the court will collect it’s fees, Matt will keep on paying and Mrs. Two Percent will keep on bitching about anything and everything.

    Maybe it’s time for a year of mandatory marriage “training” of some sort before a marriage license ever be issued-I wish we had been required to do that.

    Ever notice how whenever you send a check to a distant kid it always gets promptly cashed-but hardly ever acknowledged?

    • “Ever notice how whenever you send a check to a distant kid it always gets promptly cashed-but hardly ever acknowledged?”..oh yes, and send a check late? and the shit begins to rain down from all directions.

  4. Camp Lemonnier, I was there when it transitioned from a Marine base to a Navy base about 10 years ago. I was a civilian in charge of decommissioning one satellite system and bringing a duel satellite system online. The #itch running the Navy side talked through both sides of her mouth and had no clue on real world testing of new systems. She also threw every roadblock she could to keep us from dismantling the old system to send it to Afghanistan. Thankfully there was a Central Command presence that could override her stupidity. Even more thankfully, I knew most of the command structure of the Central Command guys.

    Things to know: He will be on the coast so the humidity will be high so nothing will dry outside. Camp Lemonnier is 12 degrees north of the equator. It is hotter than balls there year round. Get a beer ration card they day he arrives. There is a two or three limit on how many beers he can have at the all ranks club daily and they have to punch his card with each purchase. If he doesn’t drink he needs to get a card to rent it to his buddie$. He needs to take extra towels, underwear, t-shirts, pt-gear, socks and change them often. If it is dusty, stay indoors as much as possible. The local women are some of the prettiest dark skinned women I have seen but most of them have HIV or full blown AIDS. Tell him, “What happens TDY in Djibouti usually will follow you home and can ruin relationships or even kill you.”

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