Sticky Subject

Today, I am discussing a subject that we all have to deal with, even though no one really talks about it much, yet everyone does it, and as we get older, it becomes more and more prevalent in our thoughts.

Yes, I am talking about the bowel movement.

Also known as the Daily Constitution, the dump, dropping the kids off at the pool, BM, hitting the head, pinching a loaf, Old #2, go to the bathroom, crap, take a shit, you know what I’m talkin’ ’bout.

If we’re what they call “regular”, then we set aside time each day (at times more than once) for the necessary elimination.

We have to hope that we “go” every day, otherwise we are constipated; not fun to deal with. So, we watch our diets carefully? to maintain regularity, and some of us (myself included) take fiber supplements to aid in the daily regime.

When we’re kids, we don’t give a shit about regularity (no pun intended..or was it)…we just go when we absolutely have to, and he hold it until it’s more “convenient”. If we do this too much, it can lead to an uncontrollable explosive where the worst happens.

For many of us, as we get older, regularity can be a joy unbounded as we unload the previous days’ food intake, hopefully at the same time; sose we can plan the rest of our day around it, right? After we’re done, we’re good for the whole day! yessir!

Our diet pretty much controls how often and how smooth it can go…lots of fiber and roughage (well, not lots, but some) are required to aid our digestive system for a “clean getaway”, which are rare…but every once in a while, we have a dump that just flows and flows; perhaps twice in one sitting, that can be a Golden Jubilee of dumps; even better if clean up is a quick once over; a self cleaning dump if you will.

Ahh, those are rare, but I think we unconsciously strive for that result, as opposed to the other one: the sticky dump…oh yes, you know what I’m talkin’ ’bout…the three flusher because so much paper is required for clean up..ew..

Let’s face it, we cannot every day eat the correct amount of fiber and roughage to ease our bowel movements, so we deal with whatever we end up with for our Daily Constitution.

Speaking for myself, I have gone to a fiber supplement powder that I put a heaping tablespoon into my first cup of Joe every morning, and I am so frickin’ regular, that I can almost set my clocks by it….almost.

I do not take laxatives. Taking a laxative means that I cannot venture more than 25 ft from a crapper until the deed is done, or I’ll have an “accident”. They are very unpredictable and everyone out there handles them differently.

Too much fat, like eating pizza toppings and no crust will run through me like water off a duck’s back. The same result is enjoyed, but am I done now? If I am unsure, I stay close to the house.

Making and eating homemade nachos with many thick slices of jalapeños on top of refried beans, usually contributes to a guaranteed BM, but with the “twice burning” theory…jalapeño seeds do not digest. My worst experience with the twice burning was with pepper jack cheese…holy crap…that casserole burned twice for two days before it was all eliminated…no more pepper jack cheese for me, no way no how, huh uh.

One must remember, that eating fiber for smooth bowel movements must be accompanied by water. Yes, the fiber in say pinto beans (very good fiber supplement) needs water to do its magic in the digestion process. If you do not drink enough water every single day, you will have…the sticky bun syndrome.

We’ve all had it without too much liking.

Increase your daily water intake regardless if you bump up your fiber intake or not will help your body maintain a healthy balance of fluids.

Just tryin’ to help.

26 thoughts on “Sticky Subject

  1. My best buddies-our dogs-would often as not take a dump by the light pole 3 houses up the street when we would go out for our first walk of the day. Like clockwork. And still some people call them “dumb animals”. No, it is just a part of their routine that allows them to snooze most of the day instead of worrying about all the **shit** we humans are bothered with. I’d give my left nut to have either of those boys back.

  2. I had my gallbladder removed around twelve years ago. This leaves bile (a strong caustic) dumping into my small intestine without anything to regulate the amount. This condition mandates I eat something, avoid missing meals, or face the consequences. In a way, it’s good. In another, trying to keep my weight regulated by missing meals is pretty well out of the question.

  3. You neglected to mention that one shouldn’t push too hard because you can shit your own ass out, and that’ll make life more miserable than you ever experienced in civilian life…

  4. I use a certain brand of yogurt that claims to contain BILLIONS of live and active probiotic cultures. On the downside, I can no longer consume raw green food. Salad binds me tighter than a drum requiring either a stool softener or a vegetable laxative. Salads used to be one of my favorite foods.

    The yogurt works pretty well, along with nuts and seeds for additional fiber.

      • I do my own R&D. I find Dr’s mostly useless, except when you’re maybe dieing. Oh, you’ve got this malady Mr.Nemo. Here take this pill. Next visit, Me: Dr that pill doesn’t seem to be working that well, Dr.: let’s add this one.

        One Cardiologist a few years ago, changed my entire regimen because I was having an occasional problem with arrhythmia. Instead of lowering my BP, it was spiking. I was having ungodly headaches and my heart was pounding 24/7. I called him and told him that I wanted to go back on the original regimen, he countered with “take this additional pill”. I told him under no circumstances was I going to take the new added pill and the changed regimen and that I was lodging a complaint with the VA about him, which I did.

        Through my own investigations, I figured out why the original regimen wasn’t working all of the time like it was supposed to. Turns out some of the chemicals in the food I was eating was causing the occasional problem. Mainly Nitrates in things like bacon (drat, not that I ever ate a lot of bacon anyway), ham, Spam, hot dogs and deli meats.

        Out of the six Cardiologists and four Pri Care Dr’s that I’ve had in the last 15 years only two of the Cardiologists and two of the Pri. Care Dr’s were worth anything. When Obama Care was implemented with its extensive record keeping and reporting requirements, there was a mass exodus from the VA in all specialties. They were replaced, for the most part, with less competent people, who jumped at the chance for a .gov pension.

        Then, with Covid and the jab mandate, they lost a bunch more, one of whom was my Cardiologist who I liked and seemed very competent (He should have been. He was the Professor of Cardiology at a local teaching hospital I found out after I was assigned to him) who were in turn replaced with even less competent people. My current Cardio guy seems competent and actually studied under the last Cardio Prof., although I’ve only had one appt. with him. One thing I didn’t like about him is his snooty attitude. He’s got the “I’m a medical Dr, therefore I’m godlike and should be treated as such” disease that seems to run rampant in the medical field, especially with the specialists.

        Two of the biggest problems with the medical profession is they rarely revoke the licenses of screw ups and one can not find a lot of info on any of them when you’re trying to determine if this is the right person to be treating you.

        Sorry for the rant. I have particular enmity for know it all’s in general and Dr’s in particular that think their shit don’t stink.

        In the end with medical care, as with all things, do your own research. Yah, there’s a lot of medical quacks out there selling this and that remedy that don’t work. They’re pretty easy to weed out.

      • I hear you on the “I am king, and no one should dispute me” attitude. They are becoming more and more prevalent, as they try to enhance their bank accounts before they retire.
        I agree too that no one knows their body better than the patient.

  5. I do organic oatmeal with almonds and dried cranberries in the morning. This basically wirebrushes my innards, and acts as “culinary kitty litter” as well. It actually absorbs oils as it goes through the plumbing. If I have had something seriously oily the night before, there will actually be an oil ring in the …drop zone… No shit… Uh… Yes shit… It also does a good job of …rapidly… clearing the pipes for the day.

    I could go on talking shit, but I have to go to work. Millions of Biden voters are depending on me for their welfare checks…

  6. My youngest stepson (age 55) leaves a huge pile the consistency of wet concrete. That’s about how well it sometimes flushes too. He usually clogs the toilet at least once every time he visits for a few days.

    • I always have a plunger handy in the bathroom used by the outlaws when they visit.
      Her sad eyes when she clogs the toilet don’t affect me, as her hubby rolls his eyes to undo the deed.

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