X’s usual response to the word “fashion” is to turn his head to one side, hock up an oyster, spit it out onto the ground, and say “you were saying?”
X is no slave to fashion. X wears shorts, blue jeans, tennis shoes, cowboy boots, and white crew socks with a T-shirt that could be red, black, white, baby blue, green, faded with holes, worn out collars, with or without pockets, sometimes with lewd comments on them. He has been known to wear combat boots with shorts. He wears beat up gimme caps and a floppy Panama Jack hat. He doesn’t care. He would wear overalls but the wife won’t let him…at least while she’s around. He wears what he deems comfortable, and what else is there?
X buys all his socks the white crew length so he won’t have to match them, being color blind and all.
X doesn’t wear any jewelry say for a wedding band (that has been cut off by doctor’s orders suspecting an allergy to gold beside X’s fat finger swelling to the point where he could no longer remove it at will). X almost lost his finger once working on a copier when his wedding band got stuck on a protruding screw. He wears a watch from time to time.
X’s hair is so thin that he now gets a what is called a point five at the barber. Quick cut, quick wash and go. X’s beard is longer than his topknot. No combs. No brushes. X had shoulder length blonde hair back in the summer of ’73. Yes, the long hair is more work and requires more attention than the buzzcut wash ‘n go.
So X doesn’t understand ladies fashion these days…Shoes, I mean c’mon! What the hell is this? Those thick ass soled high heels? They look ridiculous! And that is X’s opinion.
They can’t be comfortable…
and this…’course, she ain’t walkin’ on them either…thanks bubba. I could not crop out the buenas…a mysterious force stopped me….
and this? combat heels?
Piercings…navel with what, diamonds? Labia piercings? why? it’s hard enough to get in there as it is for us guys, why make it more difficult? tongue? sounds like extra work in the maintenance dept, as are the rest. We never hear about the infections that ensue after said piercings.
I know the ladies love to paint their nails. I seen some ridiculously and unnecessarily long nails. Now they do different colors with sprinkles on them. WTF?
X once saw, when he was a youngster, at the Oklahoma state fair in ’65 a woman Barbie Doll showing travel trailers. Her nails went several inches past the ends of her fingers. Being a lad of 9, X didn’t think about practicality, but now he asks himself: how does she wipe her ass? What about digging for gold in the old schnozolla? Using eating utensils? Cooking? Personal grooming? She had too much hair spray on a lot of platinum blond hair. So much makeup around her eyes that her crows feet had crows feet. Smoking a cigarette, wearing orange slacks.
Yes, X still remembers that visit to the travel trailer exhibit. Looking for my happy place now…
Pastel colors are now in as well. X criticizes those less than others. X prefers nails as long as their fingers; maybe slightly longer and painted to their heart’s content.
Thumb rings; ridiculous.
Toe rings; ridiculous.
A ring on every finger is too much, I don’t care how much money you have.
8 ear piercings; ridiculous.
Many unfortunate ladies have the Royal toe where the 2nd toe is longer than the big toe. What they paint them to cover it up? Wear shoes. It is not gender discriminatory either. I seen ladies with hammertoe as well. That’s gross. They have no choice but to wear open toed shoes…or paper bags over them. Shudder.
X used to repair IBM typewriters back in the 80s. He saw many a typewriter keyboard used by ladies with long nails that had grooves worn into the keytops.
He also noticed that from time to time, a woman would have an affliction that X deemed “ugly thumb”. X never asked the poor unfortunate what was wrong or even for a closer look, so as not to offend.
The affliction could be something with the thumbnail as it would often be sharpened/groomed to a stiletto point.
Any woman who can get French nail pedicure, has too much money.
X’s stepdaughter bites her nails to the nubs. She orders fake super glue on nails from China, then paints them black; or dark purple; with sprinkles.
X spent many hours in banks in the eighties and decided that bank tellers are some of the most competitive ladies in the fashion world when it comes to “outdoing” the others. Man, I’m telling ya, makeup, lipstick, shoes, heels, short skirts, low cut blouses, painted nails, perfume, tight sweaters, anything goes. X misses those days.
X has been around ladies that wear so much perfume that it made his eyes water.
X’s wife likes Chanel No. 5. It’s pricey, and not unpleasant if the right amount is applied. Some ladies like to bathe in perfume; one can smell them around the corner, and their scent lingers long after they’re gone.
Some perfumes are very nice, while others are a bit harsh. I read that body chemistry has a lot to do with how perfumes react with various people.
X has seen ladies with so much face paint on that they look like a porcelain doll. Too much man. It would seem that a friend would tell them.
Hair styles? Do you guys know what a gal pays for having highlights in her hair? Starting at $150.
X’s stepdaughter once died her hair blue. What the fuck is that about?
Fashion? or peer pressure?
Someone recently posted a comment saying something to the effect of “if you look under the hood, kick the tires, and the paint is good, don’t mess with it.”
Some of the most beautiful women X has known didn’t wear makeup or fix their hair. A freshly showered woman with a touch of lipstick and a pony tail go a long way in X’s book.
Save your money ladies. We guys are simpler than that and don’t require all that extra junk you think you need to be beautiful.
Simple is good.
X worked with a woman for several years who did her nails every single night. She used the glue on nails, and would just repolish them. She came to work once without her fake nails, and X knew then why. She was a nail biter and her natural nails were ugly as hell.
The same with her toes. She had just ugly feet no matter how one looked at it, they were just ugly and she painted them as well. No Royal toe, just very odd how her toes didn’t fit inside a sandal.
Her daughter was the same way, but worse as she did not have a clue how to paint her nails. X once got busted looking at her feet, and recovered quickly by saying “nice shoes” which brought a big smile from the adult daughter. Nice save, X. Like I said, there was something strange about how their feet fit into sandals and their toes were trying to escape. Shudder…looking for happy place again…